a dungeon poacher's logbook - entry 2
Slugumus, T1 - Session 2 – Mar 22, 2026
DM Zzarchov – Mortolixo 2 – OSR
with Nona, and 'Kaz'
Second foray into dungeons beneath the Castle of Despair.
So soon we want to go back to the dungeon, but also there are a lot of things we want to buy, because there are a lot of things we do not have, because the other day we were very poor, but then we went to the dungeon and magically the next day we had some money who knows why (I know why, hehehe), so now we have money.
But first we decide to buy a license, but we do not know who should get the license.
And Nona says, 'It shall not be me, for alas I am fated to die! This night or the next, it does not matter!'.
And this is a big problem for us because then we would put all our money in the guild bank and then Nona would die and then the guild banker who is maybe just The Secretary or maybe not would say, 'You are not Nona, and you cannot have this money! It is mine forever, ahahahahahaha!'
And 'Kaz' the elf says, 'I am an elf.'
So we decide that the license will go to me!!! because I am alive and because I am a person, and I think those are both very good and smart things to be!
So I regret to inform you logbook that I am not a dungeon poacher any longer and you are now inaccurately named!!! (But I will still call us dungeon poachers because that is more interesting and more fun than licensed delvers.)
So we go to The Guild and meet with The Secretary and she says, 'Do you have 500 silver pieces?' and we say yes, and then I get A License which is actually a card and a bank account and a free daily hello from The Secretary (who is normally quite mean) and a name written in a book and a very smug and self-satisfied feeling from knowing that I am now following The Rules.
So we think again that we really must buy more things, but in this town nobody wants to sell anything unless it is Vendsday, and that is not today, so we have to wait. And so we wait 2 days for market day and it costs 12 silver pieces to wait 2 days because in the city they say that time is money and this is very true but also very annoying.
And then we buy a lot of things!!!
We buy a medium sling for 3 silver pieces and slingstones for 2 copper pieces and 6 torches for 3 silver pieces and a toolkit for 50 silver pieces and 4 flasks of oil for 4 silver pieces and a rope for 5 silver pieces and 2 grapnels for 50 silver pieces and 2 candles for 2 copper pieces and a heavy shield for 25 silver pieces.
And all of this is very heavy so we also buy a mule for 20 silver pieces and mule food for 3 copper pieces and 2 backpacks for 10 silver pieces.
And the mule wears the backpacks (but not on its back they are on its side so they are sidepacks) and carries most of our things which means we are fast but the mule is slow and maybe that's useful or maybe that's very bad. Who knows!
And I don't have time to add it all up but all the rest of our money goes into my new bank account and that is _____ silver pieces and _____ copper pieces. (Fill this in later!!! -slug)
And then we go back to the dungeon.
THE FIRST TORCH - L3, Southwest Quadrant
We enter our super secret door, and we bring our mule with us which is crazy, but we don't want him to stand alone in a spooky cheese cave all night, so we do it, and we decide to go forward instead of right, and we go to the far corner of the dungeon.
There we decide to open a door and then we open it and then a skeleton tries to stab me (!!!) which is very scary!!! It has a cutlass and it has a shield and around its neck it wears a shiny key and behind it is a lonely chest and both of those things are very interesting. So we have to fight it so that we can have a look at those things.
So 'Kaz' the Mysterious Elf pokes his spear at the skeleton and rattles it around until it's all discombobulated and then I bop it over the head with the butt of my dagger and it falls over and its head explodes across the floor like old plaster.
And then we breathe really heavy and we shiver in the corner and we think, 'Wow the world is big and scary and we are small and vulerable and if a skeleton with a cutlass and a shield and a key poked us maybe once or maybe twice we would die!' which is a little bit funny. And all this is true but Nona says if we were true believers in the 3rd edition of the Rules we could all take 20 hits and defeat all foes and this is probably also true but we're not.
The chest in the room smells like mildew, and it's all alone, and that's very suspicious, and the Skeleton's Key unlocks it, and we very cautiously pop it open with sticks from across the room, because we are done spooked!!! but inside is only old yellow paper and broken bits of string.
The paper is like this:
You can't read me because I'm old and faded and ripped up and covered in bits of string that are old and faded and ripped up but if you could read me I would say 'BOO' because I used to be a scroll of fear probably but you'll never know, hahaha!
And then we think, 'Is there such a spell as mending that can fix old paper?' And after thinking very hard we think that the answer is 'no' (but maybe).
We think then that maybe we could teach the mule to wield the cutlass in it's mouth and fight skeletons for us, and that would be very useful and also very funny, which is two reasons to do something, which is a lot of reason to have. And 'Kaz' who is an elf and who knows about animals and who knows about swordfighting (because this is the ways and knowings of elfs) thinks very hard and then says, 'I have thought very hard and now I have this thought: No, that's crazy.'
INTERLUDE: Learning about elfs, part 1
I grit my elfin teeth and open the door!
'Kaz' says this when he opens a door.
And I think in my secret thoughts - what are elfin teeth? Are they spiky? Are they sharp? Are they mismatched and uneven? Are they pearly and smooth? Are they covered in purple dye? Are they soft and rotten? Are they yellow? Are they poisonous? Are they magic? Can they bite ghosts? Does anyone know???
And surely an elf must know the secrets of its teeth, but maybe not? Can an elf see its teeth in a mirror? Or is this 'civilized decadence'???
THE SECOND TORCH - L3, Southwest Quadrant
We pass a door to a room that is nailed shut and that is very spooky so we leave it alone.
And then the next door we pass is quiet and leads to a room which is very clean and very empty and very spooky. It smells like nothing which is very suspicious because the rest of the dungeon to be quite honest smells not so nice!!! And we think maybe there's a gelatinous cube or maybe there's an invisible stalker or maybe the room is alive and will digest us if we go inside or maybe there's a goblin janitor that cleans only this room or maybe there's a witch with a clean room spell.
But then we decide it's probably nothing and we shouldn't even bother going in this room to check because we are all very smart and very brave.
The next door is locked and not with a nice lock in the door but with a cheap lock bolted on the outside. This seems very safe and very important and very useful to explore so we use the Skeleton's Key to open the door and then we are ambushed by 12 zombies!!!
They start punching 'Kaz' the Mysterious Elf with their zombie fists but me and Nona slam the door shut on them and we lock it back up and lean our backs on it and take a deep breath and we start to think this place might be really dangerous!!!
And then the elf casts a healing spell on himself (which I did not know elfs could do) and says, 'Behold, by disbelieving the lies of civilization you too might achieve the vitality to survive such horrors!'
And then Nona says, 'Well if you were a proper barbarian of the 3rd edition of The Rules instead of just having it as a background you could just rage...' and I don't know what that means but my heart tell me it is true.
INTERLUDE: Learning about elfs, part 2
Did you know humans can only see 7 colors?
'Kaz' told me this.
I never thought to count all the colors that I can see. But I think it is more than seven because a color can always be 2 colors and then 4 colors and then 8 colors forever and so already 1 is more than 7 is.
Anyway, apparently elfs can see all the colors.
'Must be overwhelming...' says Nona.
THE THIRD TORCH - L3, Southwest Quadrant
So I go to listen at another door and hmmmm hmmmm HMMMMM I don't hear anything.
And I am being very careful and 'Kaz' the Mysterious Elf and I are thinking very hard about what might be on the other side of the door because we are both very smart but then Nona taps us on the shoulder and tells us she sees a sneaky goblin sneaking up on us (!!!).
So we chase it around the corner and 'Kaz' throws a spear and I throw a dagger but the goblin is very fast and he spins and hops and dances away from our weapons and then just to be a jerk he shoots me with an arrow (!!!) but I am protected by my Mysterious Cloak and so I am only bleeding a medium amount.
So we chase him and pick up our weapons and we are very brave but then we hear a great commotion down the hall in the spooky darkness where we cannot see and we think he is maybe getting lots and lots of friends to beat us up for throwing things at him for spying on us and so we run away.
And as we flee (with our friend the mule who I forgot to mention for a long time but he is still here!) 'Kaz' stops at the door to the terrible zombie room and he says 'Aha, I have a clever plan!' and he flings open the door and he only gets shot twice by goblins which is not so many times compared to the many many many goblins chasing us and the zombies file out and now they're our friends because they head toward the goblins and not toward us.
And then we escape the dungeon and we go home because that is quite enough for today.
The take:
- a Cutlass
- a Shield, light
- the Skeleton's Key
- a Padlock
- no money (!!!) but lots of ADVENTURE!
The bank:
+ 1400.0 sp
- 682.7 sp
___________
= 717.3 sp