cascade fault

a dungeon poacher's logbook - entry 3

Slugumus, T1 - Session 3 – Mar 29, 2026
DM Zzarchov – Mortolixo 3 – OSR
with Nona, and 'Kaz'
Tricked by shepherds into venturing overland to a dungeon of suspected Night Men.

So our last trip to the dungeon was very interesting but also very worrisome, and so we think probably we want to relax for a few days, and so maybe we can find something easier to do, because right now the dungeon is kind of crowded with zombies and goblins, because they are not friends with each other, and also because we are not friends with either of them, and all of this makes the dungeon a very unfriendly place.

Also, tomorrow is Thirstday - the day of half-price drinks! So maybe we think it is the time for a chill day of relaxation and not the time for a frightening day of horrible violence.

So we rest (which still costs us 6 silver pieces at The Marble Stool, grumble grumble), and then we awaken on a new day.

So because we are now licensed adventurers we go to the Adventurer's Guild, and then I say 'Hello.' to The Secretary, and then she says 'Hello.' to me, because I have a license, and this makes me feel very important, but then we are ambushed by Poor Shepherds (I never asked any of their names! haha).

And they talk like this:

Oh, brave adventurers! We are but poor shepherds, traveling long and arduous miles to beg of your aid!

Several of our number, our dearest companions, our work associates, have been shepherdnapped by bandits!

If you would but lend a fraction of your strength to assist us, surely these villainous rogues could be banished from the land and our missing coshepherds returned to us!

And this is very interesting, because this sounds like a way to make money without going to a dark and scary dungeon, because instead we will make money walking around in the bright and friendly wilderness.

So we ask them some questions, and they answer our questions, and they tell us, 'There are probably not more than 10 bandits.' And then we say, 'We are but 3, how might we fare against 10 armed bandits?' And then they say, 'You seem wise and quick and cunning, so we say to you truly: We can offer you 40 copper pieces!' And then we say, '40 copper pieces - WAOW - that is no so much!' And then they lean in very close and then we lean in very close and then they look all around the room to make sure that no one is sneaky-spying on us and then they whisper, 'We can also offer you... and this is all real, no joke... 10... that's 10, one-zero... unmarked... totally untraceable... unbranded... Mortolixan sheep. Completely anonymous. 20 silver pieces each on the black market.'

So I guess we'll go and help these shepherds and then maybe we'll get some bootleg sheep. (Would that turn us into shepherds???)

THE FIRST HEXTARE: Worth of Mortolixo

So we leave the city and we starting heading toward the Home of the Shepherds, and we keep talking to them on the way, so that we can learn more things, so that we can be smart.

Here are some things that we learned about the wide-wide-world from our new friends the shepherds:

And these are all very interesting and true things to know!

THE SECOND HEXTARE: Worth of Mortolixo

So we walk a very long time, and it is very boring, and then in the distance we see a farmhouse. And when we approach the farmhouse we see that there is a fat sleeping farmer snoring on his porch, and that is very funny.

But then we see very suddenly that there is also a fat creeping rabbit who is sneaking up on the fat sleeping farmer and trying to steal his fat ripening vegetables! Oh no!

And I don't know what to do about this situation, because I am not a farmer, and because I am not a rabbit, and so I do not know who is in the right here. It is a moral quandry to me. But then I decide that I trust elfs when it comes to the affairs of rabbits and so I say this to 'Kaz' and look at him kind of uncertainly because I am not so sure if this is an unwoke thing to say.

But he seems to be ok with it. And then he leaps into action and he runs ahead and he shouts, 'Good farmer! Awaken! The fruits of the earth are your prey, not this petty beast's!'

Which hmmm, yes, that is true.

THE THIRD HEXTARE: Worth of Mortolixo

So we walk another very long time, and it is very boring, and then in the distance we see a pelt banner on a 30' pole sticking up out of the bushes in the open plain.

This is very suspicious, so we think that maybe we want to avoid it. But then we think that maybe we want to ask the shepherds. And the shepherds say that they think that maybe it is death and maybe it is taxes, and either way we should avoid it because there aren't really many other options for what it could be, and both of those are worrisome, and that sounds right to me.

THE FOURTH HEXTARE: Worth of Mortolixo

So we walk another very long time, and it is very boring.

And it is so boring that we are talking nonsense. And 'Kaz' the Mysterious Elf says, 'I am hungry. We should have eaten that farmer.' And then Nona says, 'The Rules forbid cannibalism...' And then 'Kaz' the Mysterious Elf says, 'It's not cannibalism... Well, maybe it is for you...'

And on and on it goes until finally we arrive at a watering hole, which is a good place to rest! But near the watering hole is a Great Big Boar and it is snuffling and scruffling and stamping its hefty boar feet at us!

And the shepherds say that the proper thing to do if we are hungry (which we are) is to kill it and eat it, and the proper thing to do if we are smart (which we are) is to scare it away with fire, and that either way by their ancient custom this is the traditional responsibility of The New Guy.

So I ask the shepherds which of them is the newest guy, and they say as luck would have it it is me! WOAW - what an honor!!! But sadly this will not do, for I need to save my sneaky strength to fight stinky bandits.

And when I tell the shepherds this they tell me, 'Through faith in The Rules, all things are possible.' And that is no fun, because that sounds like school, but I can't argue with that, or rather I could but there is a priest with us, and I'm still not sure how that would go, because I don't want to get a rap on the knuckles, so instead I guess I should say I don't argue with that, and I get ready to fight the boar.

So I creep ahead and then I hide in a bush and then I ambush the boar with a crossbow bolt right in its stinky boar face and then also lots of flying slingstones suddenly appear from the cowardly shepherds and also hit the boar and so it dies like:

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So 'Kaz' the Mysterious Elf uses his keen elfish eyes and he glances once at the boar and tells us it is exactly 150 standard elfish nutritional units in pigmeat, which that sounds right to me, and also it sounds like a lot to me, so maybe we should sell the meat, but that would be telling on ourselves for breaking The Rules, because this is Wilderness Poaching, and I don't think there's a license for that. But then we think that maybe someone else can sell the meat for us. But who???

And lucky-lucky-lucky for us the shepherds would love to turn around and head back to town and sell all the meat and save all the money and sleep in an inn while we go on and find their friends and fight all the bandits. But then we would be lost in the wilderness without kind shepherds to guide us! Kind shepherds wouldn't try to bail on us (!?!), would they?

And then the shepherds look very hurt by this suggestion and with tears in their eyes they look at us and then they say, 'We are but shepherds kind and true and our only concern in this matter is making sure that this charity you bestow upon us is fairly rewarded with adequate compensation of valuable coin.......... and also yes we are trying to bail on you.'

So me and Nona and 'Kaz' the Mysterious Elf walk a little ways away and then we huddle together and we think very hard and we whisper to each other and then we have an idea and we come back and we say, 'Aha! 3 of you will go back to town and sell the boar meat and one of you will stay behind to guide us the rest of the way to the bandits!'

And then the shepherds all look at each other and then they walk a little ways away and then they huddle together and they think very hard and maybe there is some serious grumpy-facing and some fist-shaking and some shove-shouting and some finger-pointing and then then come back.

And one of the shepherds decides to stay! And he has a black eye now! Which is very interesting and looks very cool.

But wait! Before this matter is settled, 'Is there perhaps a magic ring in the beast's stomach?' says 'Kaz' the Mysterious Elf. 'Perhaps we should dig around in its guts and feel all around just to be sure!'

And turns out there's not!

Bedtime!

THE FIFTH HEXTARE: Worth of Mortolixo

So we walk another very long time, and it is very boring, and then in the distance we see a cedar grove, and sniff-sniff-sniff on the wind we smell the smokey-smoke from a cooking fire, and in the smokey-smoke we can also smell the smell of maybe some delicious honeyed meats!

And The Last Shepherd suddenly looks very nervous and says that a druid of The Old Ways lives there, and the druid is a hermit who follows an Ancient Call (but a Call of... what could it be!?!)

And from far away he looks like a lonely man in a long purple robe and he looks very fancy and very fine and so we feel that it would be just terrible to disturb his Ancient Call and so then we move on.

THE SIXTH HEXTARE: Worth-by-Northworth of Mortolixo

So we walk another very long time, and it is very boring, and then we enter what The Last Shepherd says is the Home of the Shepherds because it has good grazing land and because it is safe from wildfires. And all of that is also very boring so we ask The Last Shepherd about this place we are going to that the bandits have hidden the other shepherds in.

And so he tells us, 'It is an Ancient Tartarian bronze mine.' And at this Nona looks up and she makes a face that is very suspicious and she says, 'Wait... bronze? Bronze is an alloy... you mean copper?' And then The Last Shepherd says, 'No, no, that's not it...'

'So tin? It must be tin, then.'

'No, that's not it either... it's the one that makes your legs all wobbly...'

'... arsenic?!?!'

'Yeah! That's the one. You guys are very smart.'

And it's true. We are.

THE SIXTH HEXTARE: Worth-by-Northworth of Mortolixo

So we say goodbye to The Last Shepherd, because he does not want to go to the mine for some reason, but that's ok because there are lots and lots of tracks of people and tracks of horses and tracks of camels that we can follow to the entrance of the mine.

And all around the entrance to the mine are spoooooky abandoned buildings, and nearby there is a cleared area with a camp, and in the camp there are 2 cairns (which is against The Rules, but it's fun enough, I guess).

And this is all very suspicious because there are no pickets or people or horses or camels or shepherds or bandits or anything. There is some horse poo and some camel poo and all of it is old. And there are some burnt up firebrands around the edges of the clearing. And there are broken sling bullets all over the clearing and around it. And maybe there are also lots and lots of stains which look maybe like they might maybe be blood.

Spoooooooooky!

So we open the cairns to find out what happened.

In the first cairn there is a dead bandit. It takes a long time to pick up all the stones and then put down all the stones and then look at the dead bandit and his maggoty face. His chest is all clawed up and so Nona examines him and says, 'Hmmmmm... I think he was clawed to death but by what I cannot say.' And he has 2 copper coins on his eyes and that is very nice because now we have made some money! And Nona is still looking at the claw marks and she is thinking like, 'Is it bears? no. Is it tigers? no. Is it hyenas? no. Is it giant carnivorous parrots? no. What could it be...? Aha, the spacing of the claws are just like the fingers of a person!' And that is also very spooky.

So then we open the second cairn and the last rays of sunlight touch the flesh of the dead bandit inside and then he sits up and then he opens his eyes and then he screams very loud (!!!) and then he catches on fire.

THE SAME HEXTARE: As far away as we could run before running out of breath

Very bad, very-very bad, very-very-very bad. I know this thing, I hear it from my old dead friend Ursa the Mustachioed before he was eaten by a lion that was sometimes a man.

This is the Night Men.

So we go as far away as we can from the mine entrance before it gets very-very-very-very-very dark and very-very-very-very-very spooky and we search around for a secret place to hide and we find some bushes that look very hidey and so we say, 'Aha, surely no one will find us here!' And then we peer into the hidey space behind the bushes and it's actually not-so-safe at all because it's actually concealing a hidey-hole heading deep into the ground and the whole area must be full of little hidden hidey-holes where the Night Men can pop out and get you!!!

So we have to be very brave and see if this is a fresh hidey-hole or an ancient hidey-hole to see if we should camp here or else run even further away before it gets even more dark and the Night Men come out to snatch us and drink up all our precious blood!!!

THE BOTTOM OF THE HIDEY-HOLE

So in the hole right away there are monkey stairs that you have to scrabble up and down with your hands and feet. (Do I mean a ladder...??? No, shush, stairs.)

And 20' down the monkey stairs there is a spooky tunnel, and I hate that, that's very bad, and the stairs keep going.

And 20' down past the spooky tunnel there is a landing made of wooden boards, and it covers only a very small part of a very large cavern.

And because I am smart I test the boards and I find out that I can step ok but there are concealed weakpoints that would collapse if someone not-so-smart or not-so-careful walked on the boards wrong.

So. If I wanted to get out of here, which I do because I am done spooked, there are dangerous boards that are fine to cross if you are slow and careful but very dangerous if you are panicked and fleeing, and then there is 20' of very steep stairs that are fine to climb if you are slow and careful but very dangerous if you are panicked and fleeing, and then there is a spooky tunnel where something nasty can reach out and snatch you, and then there is 20' more of very steep stairs that are fine to climb if you are slow and careful but very dangerous if you are panicked and fleeing, and I hate this place I hate it I hate it I hate it aaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

And on the far side of the very large cavern I can just barely see a door, and that is very worrisome. But I take a deep breath and I look around more carefully and I see that everything here is covered in layers and layers of ancient dust and there are no tracks anywhere, so maybe it is safe to camp here after all.

THE MIDDLE OF THE HIDEY-HOLE

There is one last thing that we need to check, and that is the spooky tunnel, and it's probably empty, and we'll probably be fine.

So I peer inside and immediately jumping out at me is the big scary face of a big scary monster!!!

Or maybe he's not-so-big but he is very scary and he looks like a gross little baby batboy person and he is growling and hissing and screeching at me and I don't speak The Infernal Tongue so I cannot understand him.

But Nona steps ahead and very calmly she asks him if he can speak Grand Tartarian if-you-please, and then he does, and I can't understand that either, but later she told me that he talked like this:

I AM THE EATER OF ENTRAILS. BRING ME A SACRIFICE WHO COMES HERE WILLINGLY IF YOU WISH MY POWERS.

May I ask you some questions?

WHAT IS IT YOU WISH, SUPPLICANT?

Can you tell us about the bandits that live around here?

AM I, THE EATER OF ENTRAILS, TO BE A WITNESS IN SOME MUNDANE INVESTIGATION? SOME PROCEDURAL DRAMA? HAS THE WORLD FALLEN SO, THAT IT FORGETS MY TERRORS?

I am v. sorry, I can tell that you're super important and famous... buuut...

Anyway so then he attacked us.

And the rest is very scary because it was a perilous fight. 'The Rules will protect you, maybe!' shouts Nona as she makes the Sign of the SRD (which I don't know what that is but it sounds very relevant and full of enforceable power!!!) And then she thrusts her spear at The Eater of Entrails and it breaks on his stupid batty face.

So I give 'Kaz' the bloody dagger that we found on our first day in the dungeon and he uses it to stab The Eater of Entrails when even a spear could not, and that is a relief.

And then the bloody dagger is not-so-bloody and this is very worrisome because this kind of dagger is very mean and it will only stab a ghost or a demon if you give it blood first. So I try to cut myself a little-tiny-bitty-bit to spill a little bit of blood on the dagger but whoops! That's really deep! But the dagger is covered in blood and 'Kaz' stabs him again.

And then Nona has another very smart idea and sets The Eater of Entrails on fire and I think that this is going to be super effective but then it's not.

And this is all looking very-very-very bad for us but then Nona cuts herself on the dagger much smarter than I had done and then 'Kaz' stabs The Eater of Entrails one more time and then he screams and then he falls backward and then he collapses into a pool of black blood and then it boils away.

So we very-very-very carefully peer into the tunnel again to see if now it is safe or if now we are going to die.

But turns out that The Eater of Entrails lived alone in a little round burrow and it's full of treasure!!!

So this week we learned a lot of things. We learned about shepherds. And we learned about the big wide world. And we learned about illicit sheep smuggling. And we learned about stabbing Ancient Tartarian bat-demons like The Eater of Entrails. And we learned about evil blood daggers that you can buy at normal shops. And we learned about how both shepherds and bandits probably all get eaten up just the same by the Night Men (I hate them I hate them I hate them!) And we learned about arsenic.

And now we're probably going to go back home having saved 0 shepherds but with a lot of money! Which is much better than how we first set out to save 6 shepherds for basically no money.

The take (none of which has made it back to town yet):
- A golden chalice (500sp)
- A pile of glass beads (2sp)
- A set of golden earrings (5sp)
- A perfect pearl (100sp)
- A golden chain (50sp)
- A suspiciously unfrayed rope (magic?????)
- 150 standard rations worth of boar meat (maybe???)
- 2 copper coins (2cp)

Expenses:
- 3 days (1/person) inn (-6sp)
- 3 weeks human rations (-60sp)
- 2 weeks mule rations (-40sp)
- 5 torches (-2.5sp)

The bank:
=  717.3 sp
+    0   sp
-  108.5 sp
___________
=  608.8 sp